What my 19-Year-Old Self Would Think of Me

Tomorrow is my birthday. Which means, as a blogger, it is my obligatory requirement to write a blog post about it. I could share everything I’ve learned. Recap what I did in my 28th year. If I was really on top of it, I would have bought a cupcake and made Michael take pictures of me posing with it.

Lost chances. Lipstick pictures will have to do.

Tomorrow I am turning 29. My 19-year-old self would have thought I’d have it all together by now. 10 years, to be fair, is plenty of time to get your life together. I should have some glamorous career, and at least one baby by now. I should have a closet that’s always organized and a planner that I keep properly up-to-date with good handwriting and color coded notes. I should own a house. My house should be perfectly decorated. I should always be dressed in something fabulous.

The shoulds here are important. Because I am none of these things that my 19-year-old self thought I would be. And yet, I think my 19-year-old self would look up to me, if we ever met in some strange time-travelling dimension. (For the record I DON’T see the obsession with time travel – I’m perfectly happy with time moving forward as it has and the past always remaining in the past.)

The great thing about getting older is “getting older.” I don’t dread growing old – at least not yet. I don’t fear the looming 30th birthday that awaits me in 365 days. Each day I grow older, I have more experience under my belt. Each experience I have helps me understand the world better and allows me to know myself better.

Sure, I’m not the person my 19-year-old-self thought I would be. But, I’m better. That person I imagined doesn’t exist. I didn’t know that when I was 19. I didn’t understand that all people are flawed. I didn’t understand that life will be a constant journey. Always learning. Always growing. Always making mistakes. We look forward at our lives and assume there is some place in the future where everything is “right.” We figure at some point we’ll figure it all out and have it all together. Well, what I’ve “figured out” this far into my life is that no one ever has it ALL together. There is no end place where life is totally figured out.

But, this isn’t a bad thing. Because, what’s the point to living without goals to continue to aspire to? What’s the point of living without the joy of curiosity and learning? The end goal in life isn’t perfection. It’s not getting it all right or having it all together. The end goal is growth. It’s looking back and saying it was a good day or good year. I learned a lot. I laughed a lot. I’m different now than I was back then because of what I’ve experienced- and that is good.

The fact that there is no perfect end goal in life isn’t meant to scare you or disappoint you. Instead, the thought is supposed to set you free. When we stop striving for perfect – a perfect that doesn’t exists – we can start enjoying and appreciating what we’ve learned and what we’ve done. And, we can start looking forward with optimism and not dread and self-doubt.

I could look at myself, almost 29, and say that I don’t own a house. I’m not yet a mother. I don’t have an Instagram-worthy career in a thrilling industry. I don’t have endless money in my bank account. OR I could look at my life and say I have a husband who’s my best friend. I have this blog that gives me so much fulfillment. I have good friends and a comfortable house and a job that I enjoy going to every day. I have goals to strive to. I have flaws to try to overcome and dreams to pursue. I’ve learned a lot but I have so much still to learn.

So, those are my thought, about turning a year older. (PS. Like my shirt? I made it myself – and I tell you how here.)

And, that being said, here’s some things I’ll work on before I turn the big 3-0.

5 Goals for my 29th Year
-Do yoga
-Eat more vegetables
-Meet, network, and collaborate with other influencers
-Acquire less things and more moments
-Start journaling<